Verständnis und Einfühlung

„Ich will nicht, dass du mir auf die Schuhe trittst. Die können kaputt gehen und ich hab auch keine Lust sie zu putzen.“ Diese Botschaft verhallte unbeeindruckt im Gehörgang des 3jährigen Nachbarskind. So erzählte es mir ein Kumpel und war immer noch ziemlich sauer über das respektlose Verhalten des Winzlings.

Als sich dies zutrug, hatte er gerade mit dessen Vater zusammen im Garten Holz gemacht. Vorher hatte das Kind noch von seinem Essen abbekommen und nun stieg dieser Zwerg ihm ständig auf die Schuhe. Er wurde eindringlicher und lauter und als auch das 5. „Hör jetzt damit auf!“ nichts half, schubste er ihn von seinen Schuhen. Der Junge kippte nach hinten und weinte los. Als er mir die Geschichte erzählte, war sein Tenor: ‚Das hat der Kleine echt mal gebraucht.’*


Die „Gordische“ Variante hätte folgende sein können:

Da ich den Jungen mit meinen Erklärungen nicht erreiche, nicht seine Empathie für das Kaputtgehen meiner Schuhe und das lästige Putzen wecken kann, sollte ich ihm das Einfühlungsvermögen, welches ich von ihm möchte, vielleicht selbst vorleben:

„Du würdest gern mit mir spielen, hmm. Dieses Spiel (auf die Schuhe treten) gefällt mir aber gar nicht! Ich frage mich, ob du vielleicht bei dem Spiel von deinem Papa und mir mitspielen willst. Wir ’spielen‘ Holzstapeln.“

Es könnte nämlich sein, und das ist gar nicht unwahrscheinlich, dass der Junge seinen Nachbarn, aufgrund des geschenkten Essens oder einfach so, sympathisch und interessant findet. Oder, dass er Aufmerksamkeit will, mit dazugehören möchte. Er ist scheinbar noch unsicher und ungeübt darin, wie er anderen andeutet, dass er mit ihnen in Kontakt treten will.

(Das in Kontakt treten, hat er im wahrsten Sinne des Wortes ja getan 🙂 )

Ich glaube, die Chancen hätten gut gestanden, dass der Kleine sich auf das Angebot eingelässt und es statt seines Füße-Tret-Spiels annimmt. In der erlebten Situation hatte sich der Nachbar, durch seinen Schubser, als Gewinner gefühlt. In der alternativen Variante, der Gordon-Variante, hätten beide gewonnen.

* Häufig sind es Kinder, deren Eltern für ihren Nachwuchs ihre Grenzen und eigenen Bedürfnisse oft missachten, die nicht mit Empathie gesegnet sind. Es fehlt ihnen schlichtweg am gesunden Vorbild. Das andere Menschen Bedürfnisse und Wünsche haben, die es auch zu berücksichtigen gilt, haben sie nicht erfahren und dadurch fällt ihnen das Einfühlen schwer. Natürlich kann ich auch die Empathie eines Kindes zerstören, indem ich immer wieder dessen Bitten und Anliegen abwerte, sie nicht erfülle bzw. nicht darauf eingehe.

Aber wann sind wessen Bedürfnisse wichtig bzw. wichtiger? Ein Spagat, der nicht leicht zu meistern ist. Wie er am Besten gelingt fand ich im Familientraining heraus. Da lernte ich: „Es kann nur allen gut gehen.“ Es geht auch ohne Verlierer. Unmöglich? Dachte ich damals auch…

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